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Submitted on
June 12
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The night my mother died, the horse in the barn started singing.

Its neck bulged, veins sticking out like ropes around a hanged man's throat. The old blind eyes stared at nothing, dumbly terrified of the same.

"Shut up, you old dumb bitch," I snapped at it. It had been my mother's horse. Better than a lawnmower, cheaper than a car, she used to say. But for the last few years, it had been too sick to eat and too weak to ride or pull a cart. It just stood in its stall, swaying on its broomstick legs and heaving its eyelids up and down over its smoggy eyes. We'd been an odd trio—my mom, her horse, and me. She refused to kill it, and it had probably been a better daughter to her than I had anyway.

They'd both started spitting out teeth as they aged, joined in an inter-species sisterhood I couldn't begin to understand. Lumps of bone tumbled out of their jaws and left behind muculent yellow holes emptier than any tooth ever could have filled. I remember the first one my mother lost. The image of her slumped in the bathroom, crying. Just there, and crying. "Oh, Missy, look! You can see it when I smile!"

I cried, too—later, alone, because my mother had never so much as broken a bone.

"I ought to take you out back and shoot you," I told the horse. The animal vomited sound into the empty well of the barn, and in the thin moonlight I caught the glint of its last tooth nestled in the straw.
This has been sitting in my notebook for well over six months now, and I would love critique on it if anyone has something to offer. Most importantly, I'm wondering: Does it ring true emotionally, and does it reach some sort of point/have some kind of meaning?

:heart:

Kate
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-06-30
Power in brevity: My Mother's Horse is by Kathryn-Walt. ( Featured by neurotype )
:icon19375:
19375 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014
I love this so much. Incredibly poignant. <3
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:iconcaptivityisevil:
captivityisevil Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014
love it
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:iconprincessanastasia434:
nice
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:iconlittlethings1:
LittleThings1 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  New member
Well, I sure am glad you got it out of your notebook, because this story is very thought-provoking and well written. Incredible work and I could not think of another person that deserves a DD more than this piece of writing. There's an eerie feel to this, but happy, yet sad, yet....I don't even know how to explain it, but its amazing. Keep it up you're going places with this kind of writing :) w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! 
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:iconfrostedfrozen:
FrostedFrozen Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I loved it!
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: :tighthug:
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:iconlittlemissindia1:
LittleMissIndia1 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Student Artist
Clap 
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:iconmomotsukinezumi:
MomotsukiNezumi Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014
Wow...I don't quite know how to explain how I feel about this, but this is just....raw. Raw and bittersweet and almost-but-not-quite vulgar, in the way that it presents itself. A stark, unfettered, frill-less picture of what appears to be an unpleasant, bitter-laced relationship of uneven sides and strangeness. I feel kind of like that horse kicked me, only the pain is delayed and sort of tamped down because of the age of the old creature.
The loss of teeth in particular is rather nerve-jangling to me, given that teeth are a way we define ourselves. We use our teeth to smile, to chew food, to show anger by baring incisors and molars alike and to show that hint of primordial instinct still left smouldering somewhere deep down within. Teeth mark how we grow up: we gain new teeth, and our "milk" or baby teeth can be kept as they fall out to mark our passage to adolescence and adulthood. When we grow older, they rot with use and age, and fall out, just as years pile up on our shoulders and sink us down into the embrace of Mother Earth's soil in death. To lose teeth, whether it be from age, sickness, a fight, or anything, really, is a sign of change, and it's rather frightening at times to see that change. How many times growing up has one of us seen an elderly person missing front teeth, and felt a chill with the knowledge of atrophy and fading memory?

Chilling. Just...chilling. It's a beautiful, but kind of numbing, and then when you reach the end the nova-cane shot wears off and you get the beginning impression of what promises to be pain. 
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:iconrainbow-mufwin:
Rainbow-Mufwin Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  New member
This is beautiful.
Just wonderful.
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:icondemoniccarnival:
DemonicCarnival Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'll say that your work is very good, but I couldn't bring myself to like it. 

That's just because I have horses of my own, and the thought of anyone treating a horse like that bothers me.

But, good writing - You deserve the DD.
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